Why Is Vulnerability So Hard?
Recently in my therapy room, a common theme has been vulnerability. Sharing our deeper thoughts, feelings, and emotions can feel scary—especially for women who carry the weight of many roles and responsibilities. When we avoid expressing emotion, it can lead to a deep sense of loneliness, even when we’re surrounded by others.
In 2023, Surgeon General Vivek Murthy called loneliness a public health epidemic. Early in 2024, the American Psychiatric Association reported that 30% of U.S. adults experience loneliness at least once a week, and 10% feel lonely every day. Younger adults (ages 18–34) and single adults are especially vulnerable.
The Connection Between Vulnerability and Belonging
I often hear clients say, “If I open up or share too much, they probably won’t want to be close to me,” or “They’ll think I’m too much.” But the truth is usually the opposite. Vulnerability—when shared in safe, trusting relationships, creates space for true connection.
Brené Brown’s well-known TED Talk on vulnerability describes it as the key to belonging and intimacy. Yet for perfectionists and Type A personalities, vulnerability can feel risky. There’s no way to “do it perfectly,” and we can’t always predict how others will respond. Still, it’s often through small moments of honesty that we begin to feel seen, understood, and less alone.
Loneliness and the Ways We Cope
When we don’t have safe places to be known, we often turn to ways of coping that promise comfort but deliver disconnection. Author Johann Hari writes, “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it’s connection.” While not everyone experiences clinical addiction, many of us use behaviors like mindless scrolling, emotional eating, online shopping, or overworking to try to fill a void.
These coping strategies may numb the pain for a moment, but often leave us feeling more ashamed and isolated. Shame tells us we are unworthy of love or belonging—and keeps us silent. But naming our struggle and seeking support is often the first step toward healing.
What Can You Do to Start Reconnecting?
The good news is that you don’t have to make huge life changes to feel more connected. Start small.
Invite someone you met recently to go to coffee.
Text a friend and share how you’re really doing.
Let someone in on an emotion you’ve been carrying alone.
You might be surprised by how others respond. Most people are craving meaningful connection too—and your courage might just be the invitation they need.
