“I don’t know why I’m complaining I don’t have it as bad as ____”. Sound familiar? It’s interesting how a coping mechanism we use is comparing how hard our lives are with someone else. Then we judge ourselves if we feel like we are reacting too big. We are quick to dismiss our feelings as “too much” or embarrassing. What does this do for us? The argument I hear often is that it helps put things in perspective but, what I often notice is that this leads to shame about our emotions.

There’s one thing in common with all of us when we go to counseling: we acknowledge something isn’t working. From symptoms like sadness, tearfulness, confusion, anxiety, or relationship issues we know deep down things need to change. Things aren’t working. Counseling helps us be honest with ourselves about what is going on. It can help us curiously explore patterns that are no longer working for us (things like avoidance or judgment). We can work towards trying something different. It will be hard - sometimes exhausting- but it will be worth it.

What if continuing to resist the hard emotions and feelings (sadness, anger, hurt, embarrassment, guilt) in our lives is leading to not being able to feel the emotions we want to feel. It feels counter intuitive to ask someone to dive deeper into the emotions they are feeling when everything in us is telling us to run. What if the answer is resting in those emotions, letting them shine and getting curious about what they are telling us.